Episode 44:

Maternal Burnout: Why it’s happening and what to do about it with Jennifer Bronsnick

When was the last time you just felt BURNT OUT?

You start to get short with your kids, you feel drained, and little issues that may have previously rolled off your shoulders now seem impossible to handle. Handling maternal burnout is more than just taking better care of yourself and in this episode I interview Jennifer Bronsick, MSW, LCSW, on the signs of maternal burnout and what we can do to avoid it.

Take Jennifer’s quiz at TheMindfulFamily.com and head over to the Parenting with Love and Authority facebook group to continue this important conversation on maternal burnout!

Thanks for listening! Don’t forget to subscribe and I’ll talk to you soon!

Because when we are more compassionate with ourselves, we take better care of ourselves and we love ourselves more. And so we do things for ourselves that maybe we wouldn’t do if we’re beating ourselves up, which then leads to more burnout.”

TODAY’S GUEST:

Jennifer Bronsnick

Jennifer Bronsnick, MSW, LCSW has been living and teaching about Human Design for the last 6 years. Jennifer’s years of clinical experience as a social worker, her training in Mindfulness, EFT and other healing modalities also gives her the unique ability to guide individuals on their path to success and well-being.

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Welcome to the Raiseology podcast with your host, pediatrician and parenting consultant, Sharon Somekh here to empower parents to raise resilient and independent children. Grab your coffee or your Margarita and let’s get started. This podcast is for informational purposes only and should be used to supplement rather than substitute the care provided by your physician.

 

Sharon: News Flash overwhelmed moms, most of us feel stuck when it comes to parenting effectively, mostly because we second guessed our parenting decisions, we feel guilty when we’re too firm, we lose our patients and yell when things aren’t going how we planned. Bottom line, parenting without direction feels like a bumpy roller coaster you don’t want to be on but can’t seem to get off of, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Here’s the good news. I’ve been working behind the scenes to gather a community of amazing, overwhelmed moms from all across the globe who are getting together to support each other, feel more secure in their motherhood, enjoy their children more, and start building strong lasting relationships with their families. We don’t complain. We don’t moan. We take action. Simply join this free Facebook community at Raiseology.com/community or search in Facebook for the group called parenting with love and authority. I’m excited to meet you there.

 

Hi everyone. I’m super excited. Today we’re going to talk about a really important topic today and I am here with Jennifer Brunswick and she has been living and teaching about human design for the last six years. She’s witnessed firsthand how this tool can transform a person’s life and their business. She has years of clinical experience as a social worker and her training in mindfulness, EFT, and other healing modalities also gives her the unique ability to guide individuals on their path to success and wellbeing. And honestly, I personally don’t know much about human design, but I would love to hear about it.

 

We’re going to focus today’s talk largely on mom burnout, what the signs of maternal burnout are, and how it might be affecting our whole families. So I think that this is a really important thing for us to know about. It’s important to recognize these signs so that we can start to make some changes in our lives. So welcome, Jennifer.

 

Jennifer: Thank you so much for having me. This is my favorite thing to talk about and I think it’s perfect that we’re recording it during maternal mental health week.

 

Sharon: So there you go and you guys will listen to it. It’s just like a week or two after. So yeah, the timing was right.

 

Jennifer: Yes.

 

Sharon: So tell us a little bit about your story, how you came to do what you’re doing and how you use human design, what exactly it is, and then we’ll get into the topic that we really want to explore.

 

Jennifer: So aside from what you read in my bio, I’m also a mom of three and I’m also an expert at burning out. I have burned out, you know, a bunch of different times for a variety of reasons. So in addition to my training and you know, education and background, all of that is, I know what it feels like. I know how hard it is. And the reason I love talking about how human design connects to burnout is because human design really looks at all of our uniqueness because there’s no one way that a mom burns out and there’s, you know, 7 billion different ways to be a mom on this planet. And human design gives us sort of like a toolkit to see like, okay, what are going to be our challenges? Like where do we need to maybe look out a little bit more in order to avoid but also to heal from getting burned out.

 

Sharon: Cool. I like that. Yeah.

 

Jennifer: Yeah. And it’s, you know, a little out there. So you have to have a little bit of an open mind when we’re talking about human design because it’s based on when you were born. So the time, the day, the place, and what happens is when you’re born, you know, your soul sort of like downloads all this information from where all the planets. So if you’re into like reading your horoscope or numerology or anything like that, human design just sort of adds to that self awareness, I guess.

 

Sharon: Interesting.

 

Jennifer: You gotta be a woo woo, you know? But I would tell you like people that are like not Woo at all. And then I do a reading for them and go over their chart. They’re like, oh my gosh. Like how did you know that? How did you get inside my head? And we’ve never met before. You know, how do you know that this is an issue for me?

 

Sharon: Um, so I’ll be honest and say like, I’m not like crazy woo woo haha.

 

Jennifer: And that’s all like just being open, you know, just having an open mind, you know, to be able to see things that maybe you hadn’t seen before. Yeah. And might actually really help your life, your family and your wellbeing.

 

Sharon: Yeah. Awesome. So let’s talk about how you feel it helped you and then we can talk about sort of like what, sure. How, what moms can do to recognize when they are feeling like they’re burning out.

 

Jennifer: Okay. So I, so there’s five different types of moms or people on the planet, just like there’s, you know, these five or was it four different blood types? You would know that, um, you know, we’re all unique and different and I learned that I was a type called a projector and projectors are here to guide and direct others, but they are not here for everyone. And so where that opened up my self awareness and my level of self compassion because when we are more compassionate with ourselves, we take better care of ourselves and we love ourselves more.

 

And so we do things for ourselves that maybe we wouldn’t do if we’re beating ourselves up, which then leads to more burnout. So learning that I was a projector, I was able to sort of sit back and instead of feeling bad for people not liking me, it was like, wow, like that’s amazing that I know now that I’m not here to be liked by everyone or help everyone. You know, there’s only, you know, a certain number of people that are going to vibe with me and that I actually will have the skillset and the information to help them.

 

So I’m like looking for this sort of energetic match and realizing that and looking at my business as one sort of aspect of, you know, where that was really helpful to understand cause I was having a lot of shame around how my business was growing or the rate it was growing. Also understanding, you know, friendships and you know why sometimes I always felt like the odd mom out at the school pickup line.

 

Sharon: I know that feeling. Haha!

 

Jennifer: Yeah. It just gave me just this new level of self compassion. And then I also was able to look at other people and say like, Oh wow, like they might be this tight and have compassion for them. You know? And I think, you know, when we have those two things, compassion for ourselves, compassion for others, a life just gets a lot easier. You know, when we’re not taking things personally. Yeah. And human design, that’s one of the biggest gifts I think that I’ve gotten from living this, you know, human design strategy.

 

Sharon: Okay, cool. Yeah. Yeah. I mean I totally, a lot of what you just said, resume took me. So I think thinking about it in a different way is helpful. So let’s transition a little bit and just talk about sort of what are some signs of maternal burnouts, say, you know, you’re a mom and you may not even recognize that this is something that’s affecting your life.

 

Like you know, something’s off but you’re not right or what, right.

 

Jennifer: What is it? Yeah, totally. Um, so in my experience, my personal experience, and I think a lot of moms can relate is that when we begin to get burned out, like my first sign is irritation with the people that I love the most. So you know, where I had patience before or could sit and play, I no longer have that capacity. You know, I get irritated more. Maybe I, you know, snap a little bit more or you know, use a not so nice tone of voice. Um, especially with my kids. Yeah.

 

So that sort of like that is my, Oh, like something’s going on here, you know, either, you know, something’s happening in other relationships. I’m not getting enough sleep. Something in my body is shifting. I just turned 40 and the last year for me has been a total transformation of hormones and figuring out like which new supplements I need to take that the old ones weren’t working.

 

Sharon: It’s funny that you say that, cause I actually yesterday was my 39th birthday and I really truly feel like this next year will be transformative for me as well.

 

Jennifer: So it was for me like, you know, and sometimes transformation stucks like it isn’t pleasant. It’s not like rainbows and unicorns like sometimes to get to that next level of healing, of well-being of you know who you’re meant to be. You have to go through these periods of burnout where you just feel crappy and your mood isn’t great and you feel anxious, your body feels just tired, like you’re just tired all the time.

 

You know, sometimes it’s, you know, a mixture of all of the things. So it’s like a spiritual crisis. Like what are we doing here? You know, what’s the point of all this? It could be physical stuff going on. It can also be mental health. So there’s no like one way that a mom is going to burn out, you know?

 

But I would say a theme that I have noticed in myself and most moms I talked to is that there is an uptick in anxiety. So you know, no matter what’s going on, whether it’s a physical, emotional, spiritual, like there is a little bit more anxiety happening, which is a really good awareness tool because, you know, anxiety, when we feel it, we typically are like, okay, we’ve got to fix this. Like nobody wants to feel anxious. Like it doesn’t feel good.

 

But if you can look at it from a different perspective, like, okay, anxiety is telling me something, you know, rather than like, how do I get rid of this as fast as I can? It’s, it’s an invitation to look deeper at. Yeah. You know, what’s going on in your marriage, what’s going on and with your children, um, are you doing work? Do you feel like you’re actually living your purpose? You know, because motherhood is awesome. Like I wouldn’t say it is my full and life purpose. Like I have other dreams and things I want to accomplish. So it’s really, you know, makes you dive deeper if you’ll let it.

 

Sharon: Yeah, I agree with that. I think that any times that we are faced with fears or anxieties and we need to really see that as like kind of like a, a sign of, okay, what else is happening? And like, why? Why am I feeling this? You know?

 

Jennifer: Yeah, yeah. The anxiety. Like there’s the treatment is an art, you know, there’s not like one pill that works with anxiety that you could take for your whole life, let’s say. You know, with any of those, the medications that we typically want to get rid of that feeling, you know, over time they just, they don’t work anymore. So we really, really have to look at that. You know, we really have to look at, you know, the physical, the mental, the spiritual when we’re looking at, you know, any of the symptoms of burnout.

 

Sharon: Yeah. And I also think that, you know, there are different levels of sort of anxiety and even depression, right? Like there’s, there’s anxiety and depression that requires medication and then there’s anxiety and depression where you’re just not feeling quite right, but you can make changes without, and those changes that you can make without medication would be helpful even if you needed medication. Right.

 

Jennifer: Absolutely.

 

Sharon: And so I think that that is something that is universal. I think that all of us feel anxious and sad or depressed some times, you know. It would not be, I guess it wouldn’t be typical to never feel like that.

 

Jennifer: Oh totally. And that’s what we’re always looking at. You know, like with the, when we’re diagnosing depression, we’re looking at how long has it lasted. Right. How has it gone on for two weeks or more. And then we’re also not looking at like, has there been a loss, you know, like that it’s going to impact, you know, whether we say, okay, this is a situation that we can move on from like where it’s just, you know, maybe like in human design, some people have what we call defined emotional center. And when that energy is defined, people have a wave of emotions. So they have, you know, fluctuations between, you know, joy and despair. Um, and that’s normal for them.

 

And so it’s, you know, it’s helpful. Like that’s another reason why I love you in design and why I brought it into my clinical work is because it just gives a new perspective. Like rather than saying like, oh, this sadness is bad, let’s get rid of it. It’s saying, okay, how can we look at this from a different perspective and maybe use this time of sadness to like paint or write or do something creative. So I think it allows us to just look at, you know, how we label people when people diagnose diseases, um, mental health conditions.

 

You know, I, you know, part of the reason why I moved more into, you know, coaching and human design versus using a Dsm is because it could just be a range of human experiences, you know, rather than, you know, giving someone a label of saying like, okay, well you have depression. Like that sort of becomes who you are, which doesn’t sit well with me.

 

Sharon: Yeah. And I think it doesn’t help you overcome it, right? Yes. You’re kind of like saying, well this is who I am. Rather than saying this is something I’m experiencing. Right. You know, if it’s something you’re experiencing, you feel like it’s easier in a sense. And there’s hope to change the experience. Right.

 

Jennifer: Which is why I really focus on that, the label of burnout because it can encompass and have depression and anxiety and you know, other sort of labels involved with it. But it’s sort of like, just like you said, it’s something you’re going through.

 

Sharon: Yeah. Can you take me through like what is the day of a mom who’s experiencing burnout feel that typically?

 

Jennifer: So the first thing we’re always looking at asleep and everybody, there is no like the eight hours really. Like I don’t know who came up with that, but there’s, you don’t always need eight hours of sleep depending on how your body’s functioning.

 

Sharon: That’s great. Cause I don’t think I ever get 8 hours of sleep.

 

Jennifer: You know your body, when your cellular Mitochondria, when it’s operating like optimally, you will need less sleep to get the healing that you need. However, what often happens with burnout is like one of the root causes is what I talk about in my program is the first thing we look at is sleep or one of the first things and sleep by resetting your circadian rhythm.

 

So what’s gonna happen is your hormones get switched around, your cortisol gets reversed. So instead of having your cortisol higher in the morning, we, which is what it’s supposed to be, which is why we can get up out of bed and we feel energized, is because of that cortisol. It gets us moving when we are burned out, when our body and our adrenals and our hormones are, you know, frying that is switched. And then the cortisol is low in the morning. So we’re exhausted when we wake up. Um, so you know, that’s one of the signs. Sometimes you also will get that second wind at night because your cortisol is reversed. So you’re getting all of your energy later in the day.

 

Sharon: Which only makes it really hard to fall asleep, asleep. And the cycle continues. Exactly.

 

Jennifer: Yeah. So, you know, the first thing we want to do is we want to reset that. We want to reset those hormones. We want our reset, the pineal gland that releases the Melatonin to get it in a releasing at the right times. So that sort of like the first thing you’re looking at, you’re also, you know, what I’ve noticed is when you’re burned out, you tend to revert to behaviors that take up less energy. So habits, um, and sometimes these are not the best habits. So maybe it’s like, you know, when you were a kid you’d reach for cereal when you are tired or ice cream or you know, so we’re kind of reaching for these, I don’t want to say unhealthy cause I don’t really believe that there’s healthy and unhealthy, but foods that are naturally supportive of our wellbeing and that’s sugar, caffeine, alcohol.

 

So we’re reaching for things to change our state because we’re not liking how we’re feeling. We sometimes if you’re burned out. Like when you’re burned, when your cortisol is low, the first thing you want is coffee. But you shouldn’t have like if you are healthy and well you shouldn’t have to reach for coffee in the morning. Right. Like there should be, the body should be able to be creating that energy for you. Yeah. You know, and, and not that I’m saying like I’m not, in no way am I shaming moms who love coffee like that is totally not, but I’m just, I’m inviting you to look at it.

 

Sharon: Yeah, no, the truth is like I’m thinking about as you’re talking, right. And, and I wouldn’t say that I need coffee to wake up in the morning. Okay. But I do, for me, coffee has become kind of like an experience. Right? I get it. Like I get up really early, not really early, but early for me in the morning before my kids get up and I actually, my oldest daughter gets up very early for school, so she’s usually up. She actually makes me my coffee and you know, like for me, that experience of sitting down without all the other noise at home and having my coffee in peace and being able to just have a conversation with her or even not, and just sit with her but have my own thoughts. Like that is why I find, and the reality is I could be drinking anything.

 

Jennifer: You could have matcha like, or green tea, you know.

 

Sharon: Yeah but I just don’t like it. Haha!

 

Jennifer: Haha, t’s little baby things. It’s, you know, like if you were telling me, you know, that you’re drinking seven cups of coffee a day, you know, like to me that’s a red flag, like one cup of coffee in the morning, you know, with a ritual. Like that’s, that’s lovely and beautiful to me. Like I don’t, I don’t have any issue with that. Um, it’s just, it’s always tuning in. Like, why am I needing this? You know, why am I doing it and do I feel, does it make me feel like that icky feeling, you know, like if I have to have a glass of wine every night before bed to relax, like am I doing that from a place of like, I am savoring this moment, like part of my culture is to do this and then you feel really, really good about it? Or is there a part of me that’s like, why do I need to have this wine to get through my night through my evening?

 

So I think it’s, it’s a lot. It’s not so much the behavior, it’s the mindset and the beliefs that come behind it. Um, because what we’re striving for is we want positive feeling states, you know, that we can elicit ourselves ideally without the use of substances that in certain quantities can be harmful to our minds and bodies.

 

Sharon: Yeah. It makes a lot of sense.

 

Jennifer: Yeah. But I’m, you know, never feel, you know, like enjoy your coffee saved. I’ll never take that away from you.

 

Sharon: I appreciate that. Honestly, I, to be honest, it also makes my daughter feel so good that she really like, that’s like her contribution to my morning and it’s amazing to me how that makes her feel, you know? But that’s a totally different topic.

 

Jennifer: That’s really, that’s, that’s awesome. That’s great. And that, you know, for me, I quit drinking coffee because I have anxiety and coffee increases anxiety like no matter what like it does because what coffee is really doing is it’s a re it’s releasing adrenaline, it’s using your adrenals to release adrenaline in the body.

 

Like that’s the drug of caffeine and what it does. So, you know, for me, like that was just too much adrenaline and it made me feel bad over, you know, over time. Right. I was like, you know what, this doesn’t work anymore. So it’s always that tuning in and it’s like, cause so things that can be working. Like I used to drink, I used to have a glass of wine here and there. Um, and in college I drank a lot more than that. I got to a point in my life were alcohol doesn’t work for me anymore. Like it doesn’t make me feel good. I don’t enjoy it when I’m drinking. I don’t enjoy it the next day. And so I quit and you know, I haven’t drank in over a year and you know, but that like, it’s because I listened to my body. So if anything, you know, if anyone is listening, just listen to your body.

 

Like when you eat a food, how does it feel in your body when you eat a substance? What does it feel like? What does it feel like immediately, but also what does it feel like five hours later? Yeah. So I just, you know, I want people just to be intuitive with themselves, you know, and not ever beat themselves up for their behaviors. It’s just, it’s an awareness of like, wow, like my body doesn’t like that anymore. You know, my, like, my liver can’t handle it. Or, you know, I prefer this feeling state. Like I prefer to have calm, grounded energy where with caffeine I’m like, let’s go. Like what can I do now?

 

So it’s just, it’s, you know, it’s learning about yourself and, you know, I created a quiz to, you know, help moms to figure out, like, am I burnt out? So I think that was one of the big questions was like, how do I know? And so, you know, you can go and take a free quiz and figure out, you know, like, okay, could I be burned out? You know, what’s going on here?

 

Sharon: Great. We’ll put the link to that quiz in the show notes. Do you want to tell us the link to my website?

 

Jennifer: You could just go right to my website and it’s a pop up. So if you stay there for 10 seconds, it should show up. And what’s the website? Oh, it’s the mindfulfamily.com.

 

Sharon: Okay, great. Okay. So you wake up in the morning, you’re completely exhausted and you’re looking for other external sources of energy. And what else?

 

Jennifer: Um, you know, looking at your relationships, you know, when we’re burned out, we have just less capacity to be in relation with others and you know, so it’s just, you know, am I fighting? I my nagging I might like, am I yelling at my kids? So like what I always am looking for is the ratio of positive to negative experiences. Like there is no such thing as a perfect mom. We’re all gonna yell at our kids. Like I personally get this like tone of voice that like I hate, but it’s just like when I’m maxed out, that’s the tone I get. Um, and that’s going to happen. But what are we doing to balance that and actually, you know, put the tipping point over into the positive experiences.

 

How many hugs are we giving? And what’s happening when we’re burned out is that we’re tipping over on sometimes the frustrated, irritated, angered. Because what’s happening when we’re burned out is that our amigdala tends to be in that fight flight response. And so our behaviors are more of that, you know, those quote unquote negative feeling behaviors. Um, yeah. So we’re looking at that, you know, that anxiety feeling as well as like, you know, we get triggered a little bit more easily.

 

So you know, where, you know, a couple months before a year or before kids, you know, someone would have said something and you were like, oh, whatever. Or someone would have cut you off in traffic. It’s like, oh, they’re, you know, whatever, I’m good. But when we’re burned out are we get triggered easier and our amigdala fires faster, um, which spends off all those stress hormones and doesn’t really feel good.

 

Sharon: Yeah. And also it doesn’t set a very good example. Yeah.

 

Jennifer: As a parenting expert for sure. But that doesn’t feel good, right.

 

Sharon: And then we feel shame, right.

 

Jennifer: So then we feel shame. Like why, what’s wrong with us? Why did we do that? What’s wrong with me? Um, you know, which is, you know, it’s not your fault that you’re burned out. Like, you know, we can talk about, you know, the reasons why I think that moms are burning out.

 

Sharon: Yeah. That’s talk about, okay.

 

Jennifer: So I just want to say like you, we’re really going through that day. And I think the next piece is that it’s, it’s harder to fall asleep. You know, if we want to look at that, like circadian rhythm being corrected, you know, we, our minds are racing before bed. We’re thinking about what happened during the day. Like if we snapped it, our kids, we feel guilty. So it’s really hard to fall asleep for, for those reasons. But also with our cortisol levels being higher and we tend to stay up and then it’s just, it becomes a vicious cycle.

 

So really good tip. Just, I don’t want to leave, you know, there’s no hope. It’s just a wake up at the same time every single day, even on the weekends. So that’s like, can start like, just get up if you’re getting, if you have to get up at 6:00 AM during the week, get up at 6:00 AM on the weekends because it’s like the equivalent, if you sleep until eight on the weekend, the equivalent of basically traveling to Colorado every single weekend and getting, you know, it’s like your jet lag.

 

Uh, so that can really, that can have a big impact on just resetting, you know, step one of resetting the circadian rhythm. Yeah.

 

Sharon: The hard thing is really if your time that you go to bed is not consistent and it really, yeah. Can’t always be consistently right. Yeah.

 

Jennifer: And that doesn’t, you know, and it’s never the time you go to bed because you know, this could be a whole another show and this is what we talk about in my course. It’s the time you get up in the day and over time it will reset itself. Like you’ll begin to go to bed earlier if you’re getting up at the same time every day.

 

Sharon: Yeah. Interesting.

 

Jennifer: Okay. So why are moms burning out? So the first thing is that you’ve just given more than you’ve received. You know, like as like the minute we become a mom, like especially with if we have newborns are young kids like are very physically demanding. As they get older, they’re more mentally demanding. Um, but both are exhausting.

 

Sharon: I hear you there. Haha.

 

Jennifer: Um, and they both, you know, wear us down over time and if we are constantly the one that we’re giving, we’re picking up, we’re packing lunches, we’re doing laundry, we’re making dinners and nobody else is doing anything at a certain point. And everybody’s different, especially depending on their human design types, projectors, manifestors and reflectors are the three types that I worry more about this because they don’t have this consistent energy to do lots and lots of work.

 

You know, over time that, you know, definitely looking at how do you feel receiving and cause also what will happen is that our kids, our partners, whoever aren’t, they’re not going to do what we do. Like we do it. And so it might not be as good as if we were doing it ourselves. Yeah. So that’s a big thing. It’s like letting go of some of that need for perfection, perfection or things to be done a certain way and be saying like, Oh, you know what? Like maybe it could be done differently. Maybe that would be better. Like, I still remember like my mom when we would decorate the Christmas tree, like I’d put the, the um, decorations on and then I’d come home the next day and there were all moved like more like even parts of the tree. So, you know, just thinking of that, you know, like letting other people have those, you know, the moments of just like you mentioned your daughter making your coffee for you, like you’re giving her that gift by letting her to give to you and you receiving it. Yeah. She’s really, really powerful. Yeah.

 

Sharon: No, and it creates a special bond in a different way to, yeah.

 

Jennifer: And to be able to really appreciate it. You know, it’s like, oh, I’ll just do it myself. Like, you could make your coffee pro, you know, like faster, you know, like, totally. I’m so the gift of like you’re filling her cup and your cup, literally. Yes. Coffee and also love and appreciation. Yes. Uh, so important. Okay. Next reason, um, that I, you know, I have noticed in myself and you know, people I work with is that we aren’t being our authentic selves.

 

We’re hiding a part of ourselves. Like for me it was like I was kind of hiding human design for awhile. Wasn’t like I wasn’t leading with it, you know, was leading with other, you know, aspects of my work. And you know, like once I went through my, you know, we’ll call it my burnout cycle of my 39th year.

 

I had no, like I just couldn’t anymore. Like I knew like this is what I had to talk about and do. And so, you know, being able to speak your truth and really value yourself can go a long way and avoiding and healing burnout. So you know, starting small, you know, if you don’t like your meal, send it back. If there’s something that you want to do, like take a dance class or go ice skating or what, like listen to those little voices, you know, cause those are really guiding you to your most authentic self. Does that make sense?

 

Sharon: Yes, totally.

 

Jennifer: Okay. So the third thing is that we often never were taught, especially as girls and women, how to make empowered decisions because we’re just, we’re trying to keep up with everything a good mom go. Don’t quote is supposed to do. So, you know, we’re using our energy up everyday by trying to do all the things where if we can learn how to make really good decisions about, you know, what’s gonna be best for our family?

 

Like is it good for our family to have kids in three different activities? You know, is it good for our family to say, you know what, we’re not doing homework on Wednesdays and Thursdays or you know, like something like that. Like we kind of go along with the rules. I’m just inviting you to question what the rules are and who’s making the rules up because our health is going to impact the, the long-term wellbeing of our family.

 

And so it’s really important to learn how to trust your gut and make decisions that are right for you and your family versus on what the world is telling you it should be. So no more Instagram, pinteresting.

 

Sharon: Yeah. It’s interesting. I mean, I live in a town where, you know, I do feel like there is a lot of probably mom burnout associated with kids’ activities specifically. And I, you know, for some moms they want their kids in a lot of activities and that actually is what fuels them, honestly, like more power to you.

 

For a lot of Moms, I do feel like we’re trying to sell, part of it is you don’t want kids missing out. Part of it is you’re trying to keep up, part of it, you know? And it is hard to take a look and say like, you know what, I’m not going to do this because it’s not the right thing for me. And in essence, if it’s not the right thing for me, it’s not the right thing for them. And it takes a lot of strength to be able to do that.

 

Jennifer: Oh yeah, absolutely. But that’s when you can trust that like, oh no, like that’s my decision. Yeah. You know, like then it’s like, okay, there’s no disagreeing. Like, you know, you don’t care what people think. Right. Yeah. And that’s the goal. I hear you.

 

Sharon: Yeah, I definitely, I agree with that wholeheartedly.

 

Jennifer: Yeah. Yeah. And everybody’s different, like, you know, to please, you know, like if you love that, then love that, you know, like that we’re all unique, you know. So just remembering that like that person who’s running around could be a manifesting generator and they need to burn themselves out every single day, you know, for their health. So, you know, not comparing ourselves to other people cause we don’t know, you know, what their situation is or what their internal energy is like.

 

Okay. So a lot of us, I’ve noticed, we would rather say yes to being burned out, then feel guilty like we’re letting our family down. So, you know, when they wanna, you know, run out for the, you know, millions time to go to five below or, um, you know, any of those things that we, we do for our kids or like, I think for me personally, it’s all of the billion different like school activities and having three kids.

 

So, you know, like the thought of like not being there for field day, even though I don’t enjoy it at all. Like I, I’m choosing to say like, okay, yeah, I’m going to be, you know, if I don’t take care of myself, like willing to be burned out so I don’t have to feel guilty about not attending this event. Right.

 

Sharon: It’s the lesser of two evils.

 

Jennifer: Right. Exactly. And this is like the toughest one I think is that, you know, that guilt. And so, you know, what I do a lot is in the cold EFT, which is tapping. Um, and I’ll just tap on the guilt and sometimes it’s like, I sometimes I end up feeling like, oh, you know, actually I want to go, you know, maybe I can convince myself or like shifted my mindset to say like, you know what, I like to talk to other parents. It’s a beautiful day. I get to stand outside, you know, versus this like, ah, I don’t want to go. Which that feeling like those negative feelings states add to our experience of burnout. Yeah.

 

So you can, you know, use tapping and other mindset tools to shift either to feel grounded in your no and not doing it or to say, you know what, I actually do want to do this. Like this actually is important to me. So it can help you get a little bit more clarity around it. But most of us, you know, we don’t want to feel guilty, you know, we don’t want to feel that feeling or fill it with like we’re letting someone down. All right.

 

Number five is the kind of going back to the first one where it’s, you know, you’d rather do it yourself, you know, you love how you fold. Um, or like the underwear has to be folded like Marie Condo, you know, whatever it is. And just, you know, this is where you have to kind of let go of that needing to be perfect and see, you know, what happens if you allow that imperfection? Like, what can you do with your time instead, you know, can you finish that book that you’ve been wanting to read or you know, meditate, start meditating finally. Yeah.

 

So this is, you know, I think we all have this and it’s just, you know, and as I’m going through these, like just notice which one stands out, you know, which one is like, oh yeah, that sounds like me. Like, so then once you have the awareness you can make better choices. All right, so the last two, the number six is that you’re depleted so you’re burned out because your physical, emotional or spiritual body is just depleted.

 

You know, I’ve found that, you know, being pregnant, breastfeeding three times, you know, not eating as healthy as I should because I was burned out. So I was like reaching for, you know, sugar, which you know, was creating a cycle of not feeling very great. So, you know, starting small, like if you’re noticing that you’re feeling depleted, start, you know, taking some magnesium, like that’s a really simple supplement. Like unless you have any sort of like renal issues or your doctor absolutely says no, for most people in magnesium, like we are all deficient and especially when we’re stressed, magnesium is the first thing to go.

 

So, you know, starting that, adding some in like some green smoothies with some really good fats, like avocado, talking to people, learning how to meditate, you know, these are all, you know, simple daily things that, you know, they don’t take a lot of time. You know. And that’s the thing like more burned out. Like it’s gotta be easy.

 

Like it can’t be some like crazy, you know, list of things you have to do one thing and then we start to feel a little better and you’re like, oh, okay, let me add to that. So we want to compare that. But in the last thing is the coping tools that worked in the past just don’t work compared to the stress that you’re under. So when we’re younger, you know, maybe we can talk to a friend and like, oh, we feel better and like 20 minutes. And as we get older, our stresses get bigger. You know, the worries that we have as an adult are just very different and you know, greater than when we’re younger. But we sometimes don’t take the time between when we’ve finished college and become a mom to build up our coping toolkit.

 

And so, you know, just looking at like, you know, are you needing more than a glass of wine to relax? Are you, you know, like if you’re taking, you know, a Xanax every, you know, it was like every week and now it’s like you feel like you needed every day. So it’s just really looking at, you know, what isn’t working anymore. And you know, starting, again, starting small, like building up your coping tools, like looking into getting, I’m a meditation app or starting a gratitude practice.

 

And gratitude is, you know, one of now like just like mindfulness, like a really, you know, heavily researched positive emotion tool. So we know that focusing on gratitude can be, you know, life changing and change our brains and reduce depression and reduce anxiety. So it’s just really thinking about, you know, which of the things do you feel, you know, from your own personal experience are causing your symptoms of burnout?

 

And then once, you know, you can begin to make subtle little shifts around feeling better. Because when moms are feeling good, when moms are thriving, their families are thriving. You know, their kids are happier, their kids have better coping tools, they do better in school, they have better friendships. So, you know, it feels like I can’t take the time to work on myself, but really like that’s the best thing you can do for your kids because they’re never, they don’t, they don’t listen to you, but they watch everything that you do. Yeah.

 

And you know what, if I was working with adolescents, like, and they would come into me every, you know, they never wanted to hear what mom had to say, but they would always, you know, tell me like, oh well she does this or that. Right. So, you know, they’re watching so be very mindful. Uh, you know, cause I know like when you think of them, like you don’t want them to go through this when their moms.

 

And so by, you know, really looking at your own burnout and the symptoms that you might be having. And you know, making some subtle shifts like it can really impact everybody cause moms are so, so powerful and important.

 

Sharon: Absolutely. Well thank you for that. I actually, I think it’s really sort of eye opening to think about all the different ways and reasons that you could be feeling burnt out and, and just know that there are a lot of resources out there and you can certainly reach out to Jennifer or myself to discuss further if you have questions. And again, thank you Jennifer so much for being here and I,

 

Jennifer: Thanks for having me!

 

Sharon: Yeah, and I am excited to hear the feedback from this episode. If you guys have comments or questions, please feel free to let us know and I hope you guys have a happy day.

Thanks for listening to the Raiseology podcast. Head over to www.Raiseology.com where you’ll find plenty of, you’ve got this resources for parents and any links or tools mentioned in today’s show. Be sure to hit subscribe on your podcatcher so that you can listen to the next episode the minute it’s out, until next time, have an empowered week.

Meet Your Mentor

Sharon is a general pediatrician, loving wife and mother to 4 daughters.

 After a decade of practicing general pediatrics and working with families, she realized there often wasn’t enough time while tending to children’s medical needs to help parents in the way that would be most helpful in shaping their children’s futures.

 The Raiseology Program was developed to teach parents how to raise their children with the love and authority necessary to promote resilience and responsibility.

Sharon’s experience with hundreds of families as well as her own help her meet you where you are on your parenting journey to help you make it what you want it to be.

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