Episode 45:

Finding and Fostering Your Individual Identity with Samantha Siffring

Whether you’re a working mom, work-at-home mom, or stay-at-home mom, so many of us lose our identity once we become moms. On this episode, mindset and business coach Samantha Siffring and I discuss finding and fostering your identity and what that looks like as a mom.

We cover how to start uncovering a passion that is just yours, how Samantha has found this in volunteering, and also how family vacations might come into play.

Head over to the Parenting with Love and Authority facebook group to continue this important conversation. Thanks for listening!

And then we know what happens when you have something that you’re not talking about because you think you’re alone. And the reality is that you’re not alone. And if you were alone, we wouldn’t be even having this podcast conversation. So many moms are feeling like this and they are feeling sort of guilty and ashamed about it, which makes it hard to get help.

TODAY’S GUEST:

Samantha Siffring

Samantha is a mindset & business coach and the host of the Badass Mother Podcast. She started as a coach after struggling to find her identity after becoming a mother and now is very passionate about helping other moms build businesses from home and balance entrepreneurship with motherhood.

Subscribe and Listen on: Apple, Spotify, Stitcher, and Google Podcasts

Links mentioned in today’s show:

  • Learn more about Samantha’s podcast here!
  • Join Samantha’s Facebook group here!
  • Schedule a free 15 minute consultation with me HERE

Note: This post about creating a ritual may contain affiliate links, which means if you click one of our affiliate links and decide to make a purchase, we receive a tiny commission from the seller at no additional cost to you. We only share products and services we have used, tested, and love ourselves!
Click Here to Read the Full Transcript

Welcome to the Raiseology podcast with your host, pediatrician and parenting consultant, Sharon Somekh here to empower parents to raise resilient and independent children. Grab your coffee or your Margarita and let’s get started. This podcast is for informational purposes only and should be used to supplement rather than substitute the care provided by your physician. 

 

Sharon: News Flash overwhelmed moms, most of us feel stuck when it comes to parenting effectively, mostly because we second guessed our parenting decisions, we feel guilty when we’re too firm, we lose our patients and yell when things aren’t going how we planned. Bottom line, parenting without direction feels like a bumpy roller coaster you don’t want to be on but can’t seem to get off of, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Here’s the good news. I’ve been working behind the scenes to gather a community of amazing, overwhelmed moms from all across the globe who are getting together to support each other, feel more secure in their motherhood, enjoy their children more, and start building strong lasting relationships with their families. We don’t complain. We don’t moan. We take action. Simply join this free Facebook community at Raiseology.com/community or search in Facebook for the group called parenting with love and authority. I’m excited to meet you there.

 

Hi everyone. Welcome back to the Raiseology Podcast. I’m super excited to be here today with Samantha Siffring. Samantha and I actually met a while back when I was a guest on her podcast. It’s called the bad ass mother podcast and you should definitely check it out if you haven’t already. Samantha is a mindset and business coach and the host of the bad ass mother podcast. As I said, she started as a coach after struggling to find her identity after becoming a mother and now she’s very passionate about helping other moms build businesses from home and balance entrepreneurship with motherhood. She’s a mom of three. She’s a devoted volunteer, a travel lover and she and her husband met while studying abroad in college and are always taking their kids on epic adventures, which I would love to hear about actually, but today we’re actually going to talk about finding your passion and your purpose in motherhood, whether it’s related to career or not. Right?

 

There are so many moms that lose themselves and their identities in motherhood and I want to explore that and talk about that a bunch because it really doesn’t matter if you are a working mom, a work from home mom, a stay at home mom as long as you are feeling fulfilled in your life. But so many times you and I both hear about how moms are feeling like their life changed when they became a mom and they expected it to be all amazing and positive and yet they feel empty in some ways. So let’s talk about that.

 

Samantha: Yeah, I totally feel that and love how you said they feel empty in some ways but expected it to be amazing. That is what happened to me. I had this career path I was on that I loved just with some life circumstances. Ended up as a stay at home mom with my first and then my second who came very shortly after. As I like came out of that baby haze was like, who am I? You know, I didn’t even recognize myself or feel like myself. And I think as a stay at home mom, it can be really isolating too, not having a ton of friends not getting out of the house a lot, making the sandwiches and the oatmeal and whatever else and changing the diapers and just feeling like you aren’t even an individual person anymore.

 

Sharon: Yeah, that’s pretty tough. And I think, you know, again, it doesn’t mean that you’re not enjoying your kids or that you don’t love being a mom, but for so much of your life before you became a mom. Right. And for most of us, more of our life than since we became a mom. Right. We were able to have more control over who we were in a sense. Right. And I think we think of, and I, I shouldn’t maybe generalize because maybe not everyone feels like this, but I know that there are a lot of moms who think that being a mom is their entire identity. And that can feel not always the greatest, even if you love motherhood.

 

Samantha: Yeah. And then I think there’s kind of some guilt and shame around it. I think no matter what, no matter what your circumstances are to feel like, oh, I don’t feel all the way fulfilled by this and I should or I worked so hard to get this baby. I hear this a lot like people who struggled with infertility and then they get this baby and then they were like, oh, this is not what I thought it was going to be. I’m not happy. Like I love my baby, but like I also am not happy and I feel really deeply ashamed of that and then we feel like we can’t talk about it.

 

Sharon: Yeah. And then we know what happens when you have something that you’re not talking about because you think you’re alone. And the reality is that you’re not alone. And if you were alone, we wouldn’t be even having this podcast conversation. Right. So many moms are feeling like this and, and they are feeling sort of guilty and ashamed about it, which makes it hard to get help for that.

 

And so hopefully if that’s you, you realize that you’re not alone and you realize that there is help available. And it’s not, it doesn’t have to feel like this big thing that you know you’re going through. It can really just be something that you are talking even to your friends about. Sure. They share your feelings. Yeah. And so how did you kind of like come out of that and overcome that? And I know for you specifically it was business related, but I’m sure there were other part and we could talk about that.

 

Samantha: Yeah, so my business was a big part of it. I also, as you read, I’m a devoted volunteer, so getting out and volunteering. I am not the kind of person who I would say like easily just like goes to the park and makes a friend. I am very extroverted but like I’m also shy so I’m not the one to just like strike up a conversation randomly with another person. So I found volunteering gave me both fulfillment and purpose but also a bigger social network in-person. So that’s a really good way as well.

 

Sharon: So what kind of volunteering do you do?

 

Samantha: Yeah, so I’ve done a couple of different things. I was a sorority member in college and there’s a lot of ways to volunteer with the sorority after college. So that was kind of my first way in. So I was mentoring young women at a local college. I was then working with the alumnae group and we support a local preschool for children who are visually impaired, so doing some fundraising and service there.

 

So just those kinds of things where you feel like you have a purpose, you’re giving back. But I think another piece, because so many of us moms are so giving, and I don’t want to be like just go give some more, I think you have to find the things that are just for you. And a piece of that for me too is joining a book club where I can read the book and then show up, have wine, have dinner, have a relaxed night with friends where we don’t talk about kids, we don’t talk about parenting. We strictly are not allowed to read parenting books.

 

Sharon: I like it.

 

Samantha: Yeah, it’s totally outside of our daily lives and we just get to be individuals with each other. And being seen as an individual separate from your family and your kids is a really important thing, I think.

 

Sharon: So now your book club, cause I think this is a really interesting thing to do for people who really enjoy reading. Is it a book club that you and your friends created or is it a book club that you found and joined and then they became your friends?

 

Samantha: I found and joined and they became my friends. So we were all women who had our babies at the same place and had started a book club and now we’ve got a really core group of people who’ve been going for a solid like seven years maybe.

 

Sharon: Wow. Yeah. That’s amazing. So it was already an existing book club. And how did you find it? Just because I feel like that is something that a lot of the listeners might be interested in. So how would they find a local book club similar to that?

 

Samantha: Yes. So for mine, like I said, it was kind of like a subgroup of women who had had their babies at the same location. It was a birth center so there was like all these like mommy groups at one time. Now it’s like completely separate from that birth center. Half the people in the group are like friends of friends that are not people who had their baby there. It’s totally separate but that was my way. I do know though, but clubs in general, neighborhoods have them. Sometimes schools have them. My sorority has one in our local area and not a member of that one cause I already had the other, you can find them on like meetup.com and like your neighborhood groups.

 

Like I think most of us probably have Facebook groups that are like our town or a local area. So if there isn’t already one, if you post in there and are like I’m trying to start a book club, you will definitely get at least five women who are like, yes, sign me up.

 

Sharon: I think you’re right. Yeah. And I think that it’s a nice way to sort of feel like you’re using your mind differently.

 

Samantha: Yeah. Which is important after a day of changing diapers.

 

Sharon: Yes it is. And I can admit that I haven’t really read too many books for fun. I say that like, you know, sort of, I read a lot and I enjoy what I’m reading, but I wouldn’t say that I’m reading for fun in the last year, right. Because the books that I’ve been reading are mostly either parenting books for my professional development or business books for professional development.

 

And so it is nice to think about, you know, setting aside a little time to read a book that actually is just for fun and you know, for the purpose of discussion. So, yeah. But let’s explore this idea of, you know, sort of how, you know, say I’m a mom who is feeling like, you know, I’m good at this mom thing, but it’s not the only thing I want to do in my life. Right. And I don’t know what else I could do or would even want to do. Like, where do I begin?

 

Samantha: Yeah. I envision this process as almost like finding your way back to yourself, like that part of you from before kids is still there. So a good way to start is to think about what did I really enjoy and who was I before kids and making time for some of those things. So I know when I went through this I tried a lot of things. I used to paint a lot as a kid. So like I started painting a little as an adult and then was like, yeah, I don’t really think this is me anymore. So like some of them are going to be a no and then some are going to be a yes. Like I also loved writing. So carving out some time to write and they could create in general I think can be good even if it takes a little bit to find what it is you like creating.

 

We all have that urge to create and it can take so many different forms. So that’s a pretty good place to start. And also just making some time for yourself in general. Whether you’re like going to take a bath, go for a walk, like be with your thoughts, read a book. It can be like 15 minutes a day if that’s all truly all you have, whatever you can have is so important because when you’re around all these other voices all day long. Like we are. You don’t even hear your own anymore. So you need to create that time to just be with you.

 

Sharon: Yeah. And then I guess, say I find something that is exciting to me but maybe it seems out of reach or teams, you know, like it’s not attainable because it takes too long or I don’t have, you know, I have 15 minutes, but what I really want to do takes two hours or whatever it is. You know? What would be the best advice you have for moms who, who maybe have an idea of what they might love and want to do, but it doesn’t seem within their reach?

 

Samantha: Yeah, I think that we can always figure out how to make things work that we really want to do. And as moms we are most likely to put the thing we want to do on the back burner in service to everyone else. So you really do need to prioritize it. And that may look like maybe doing a child care swap with a friend so you can get those couple of hours, maybe it’s hiring a babysitter, maybe it’s asking family, maybe it’s like turning on PBS kids. There’s a lot of different options to get that in.

 

And part of that is letting it be okay for you to do that in your own mind because most likely no one else is telling you all you can do at all day is kid stuff and nothing else. And you have to be a mom 100% of the time, no time for anything else. But that’s something we’ve created in this generation in particular for ourselves as an expectation and it’s really not true and not healthy.

 

Sharon: Why do you think that is?

 

Samantha: I think we have so much more information now about like child development. You know, how they grow, what other people are doing or what we think they’re doing from Instagram. So we just have like way too much in our head that is not our own intuition or like doing what our mom did. And in some ways that’s really good. Like sometimes I have to remind myself like my mom never played with me and that was totally okay.

 

Like we had family game night every once in a while, but like you have some out on the floor playing barbies cause that’s not who she is.

 

Sharon: Not my mom either. And it’s not who I am either. Haha.

 

Samantha: Hawaii but we can feel really guilty about it. Right. Cause you’re on like Instagram and there’s like a mom on the floor playing barbies talking about it on Instagram or like people talking about it on Facebook or like people posting articles about like quality time with your kids. You know, all these things that make you feel that way.

 

Sharon: And you can do those things and you can, I mean I think the perception is that it has to be you, that you’re doing it all the time. And I don’t think that that’s good for our kids either. Right. To do it all the time. I mean, yes I do sometimes. You know, sit on the floor and do a puzzle and, and do those things. But you know, was quite frankly, like my mom was a nursery school teacher and she did that all day long at work and that was probably the last thing she wanted to do when she got home.

 

And I’m sure when I was really young she did play with us. I don’t remember that time, which is so sad really that like the time that she gave us the most, I don’t remember. You know, but that’s reality, right? Like we didn’t really have strong memories from before we were five or six years old. And so, you know, we remember the feeling maybe, but we don’t really remember what happened.

 

Samantha: Yeah. It is like when our moms are most like nurturing and like they get no credit for that.

 

Sharon: I mean, but the reality is to speak to what you were saying. It’s true. You know, some of us did have moms who were totally into giving us attention in that way. But I hear that from a lot of the women I speak to that their moms just weren’t like that. And they turned out just fine and they were happy and they had good productive childhoods and you really don’t have to feel like that needs to be your life all the time. Yeah. But because of social media and like just the too much information overload in a sense we feel guilty if we’re not doing those things.

 

Samantha: Yeah, and it can feel selfish like, oh, I’m going to be doing this thing that I’m passionate about or maybe just sitting and reading a book while the kids are playing and I’m not hovering over them like making sure they’re happy every moment or entertained by me or whatever. It is just an interesting thing. I see those articles now about like parenting in the 70’s, she was like smoking and drinking tab and on the phone all day and the door was locked and you were out in the backyard. I think we need like a little more of that, like not all of that.

 

Sharon: Yeah. I think we need to check a little balance. I think that that is actually something is especially hard for, I think this idea of finding your passion is especially difficult and challenging for moms who do work, right. And, and maybe for some of those moms, their career is their passion and that totally fulfills them. And it’s wonderful and great. And I’m sure there are a lot of moms listening that have a job that they like but isn’t necessarily their passion, right? It pays the bills, it gives them a sense of purpose, but it may not be their true passion.

 

And I think for those moms, it’s really hard when you do have a job that you don’t really feel is fulfilling that sense in you. But you come home and you don’t feel like it’s right. And I’m saying that with quotations, right? To leave your kids to just be, because you’ve been at work all day or you feel like your weekends need to revolve completely around them because you’ve been at work all week and you want to be able to give them the attention they need and deserve. And so I guess that is a challenge that I could see a lot of moms who work have. What advice do you have for them?

 

Samantha: Yeah, so I think here what we’re kind of forgetting is that it doesn’t serve our kids to see a mom who’s not fulfilled and happy and doing something that really lights her up. I think we kind of have to think a little more long term about what would it be like to have the mom who works all day and then comes home and like does kids stuff all the time. But like none of that lights her up so she’s just kind of going through the motions and like that’s the memory that you have of mom who just gave and gave and gave and never did anything for herself.

 

Like I have a lot of friends who have that story about their mom and I don’t think it serves the kids. And I think that there is a way to balance like not that like you would never come home after work. Like you would just go do your passion and then be gone on the weekends and your kids would never know you. I think there is a balance there of making that time, maybe it’s one night a week, maybe it’s half of Saturday or something like that that’s devoted to your thing so then you can come back to the family time and be all in an excited and not resentful or anything like that because you have filled yourself back up.

 

Sharon: Yeah. Actually we had this conversation yesterday in my group call with my program participants because one of the moms actually said exactly that to me. She’s like, I don’t want my kids to remember me as this person who is constantly unhappy in a sense. Right. And that’s like a big, I mean I think that’s something to celebrate in itself, just recognizing that. Right. And it takes a lot to really think about that and say, you know what? Now it’s not only for me that I’m doing this, but I’m actually also doing this for them.

 

Samantha: Sometimes about how we have to frame it to get ourselves to do it at first. Yeah, so many of us like it’s all about other people.

 

Sharon: Yeah, I mean it’s the same. I help a lot of moms with sleep training for example. And they always say to me like, it’s okay. Like I don’t mind that I’m not sleeping even though I know deep down they do mind. Right? But they’re like, oh. But once I realized that it’s not good for my kids, that they’re not sleeping, now I need to fix it. Yeah.

 

Samantha: That was a turning point for me with sleep. Kidding you. I was like, wait, this is about their health. Okay, I’m on board.

 

Sharon: Right. But it really is about everybody’s health. Right. And it’s important to recognize that. Well, I love, honestly, I love talking about this because I do feel like my life has totally changed since I was able to really find passion in things that I do. And honestly, sometimes it’s funny, I see my kids less now, I think then when I was working, which is weird cause I work from home now you would think I see them all the time.

 

But I’m so excited about the things that I’m doing and I really have been paying a lot of attention to my needs as a person. And fulfilling my passion and helping other moms is my passion. And so that is something that my kids are learning so much from.

 

Samantha: Yeah, I think that matters so much and something that I just really cling to and any moment where I feel like, oh no, am I not like doing enough for them or with them enough or whatever. I think the time that I am with them is so quality because I am so happy, you know, like I’m so happy with what I’m doing. I’m still fulfilled, I’m doing what I’m passionate about. So not only did they get to see that and they are supportive of it, which is just really cool to see like your kids excited about what you’re excited about.

 

But there’s also that piece of our time together is just better even though it’s not like quantity tons and tons of like unlimited all day like it used to be. But they’re at school now too, so yeah, they leave me some of the time.

 

Sharon: Well, if that’s, it’s funny because my, my kids used to ask me about like if I would go out to dinner or you know, I would be leaving them with a babysitter. They would complain some times and, and I’d say, you know, Oh, you know, like, well I guess that means you don’t really want to go to your play date tomorrow because then maybe I’ll be sad that you know that you’re going to a play date and then they to know I want to go to my play date. Why, you know, I’d have to kind of like make them understand that like that play date is important for them. Just like my play dates are important for me, you know? Yeah.

 

Samantha: Yeah, I think that is a really good learning moment for them. You know, like part of their development anyway is realizing the world doesn’t revolve around them as like the main center of the movie. And that’s just a really good example of it. Like yep, mom’s an individual just like you. And she also has play dates.

 

Sharon: Yes. And they are fun and they are necessary. Right? Yeah. And I think, you know, it is hard sometimes finding that thing and sometimes you find that thing and then it changes and that’s okay too. And you know, looking to find people in your neighborhood that you can connect with or friends that you want to reconnect with is a great place to start because as long as you do have those kind of like, okay, you know, guidelines as to what we’re going to talk about and how we’re gonna play this so that we’re not just reverting right back into mom mode. Right. It is so easy to go out with a group of moms and find an hour in that all you’ve talked about is your kids and that sort of defeats the purpose.

 

Samantha: Yeah. That’s the, I feel like the secret life hack of the book club because even if you don’t talk about the book that much, what I find is it gets us talking about ideas instead of stuff going on at home.

 

Sharon: Yeah. And then, yeah, how do you rein it in? Right. So like say, I mean it’s such kind of habit. Probably just talk about your kids. So is there this culture of, well wait a second, reset. We’re not supposed to talk about that, you know, or I mean I’m curious just to know what happens there.

 

Samantha: Yeah, so it’s gotten a little more flexible now that our kids are older and we’ve had it for so long. At the beginning though, like there definitely was first of all the joint understanding this is our rule and our policy. So then nobody felt bad if somebody accidentally brought up kids to be like, okay, back to the book or no kids or whatever. So that was a good way to set that tone.

 

Now like we just kind of innately know, like maybe when we sit down, we like started talking about kids a little and then we’re like, okay, let’s get into our real discussion. And it’s always a good one.

 

Sharon: I think it’s so freeing actually. Yeah. I’d like to say maybe I’ll start a book club, but right now it’s too much on my plate, but if anyone else listening in my neighborhood wants to start a book club, you can let me know and maybe I’ll join in.

 

Samantha: Yeah, I’ll be honest. I don’t always read the book. I luckily though I have built up a really good habit of reading fiction at night. Like I only do fiction at night. I don’t do nonfiction. I do that during the day and part of it’s like I have to, or I’ll stay up till like 3:00 AM being really excited reading a business book or whatever.

 

Sharon: Isn’t it crazy how that happens.

 

Samantha: I know you get like all pumped up, but a lot of times like I just want to read what I want to read, but I’ll still go to book club. I love hearing them talk about the book. I usually want to read it after they talk about it. So it can be casual as long as like most people read it, it works.

 

Sharon: Yeah, I think that sounds awesome actually. Yeah. Yeah. It’s really, it’s remarkable too to really know that these things exist. And then I just wanted to like touch on this idea of volunteering and I think that something that probably stops some people from seeking out volunteer opportunities is that they may be feel like they have to be ongoing. Right. So like, yeah, if you don’t really want an ongoing volunteer opportunity, I probably wouldn’t recommend volunteering at the local hospital. Right. Or where they have an expectation of you.

 

My mother-in-law’s volunteering now with the local hospital and it’s great for her, right. It gives her a total sense of purpose. But you know, she has to be there two days a week, every week. And they’re depending on her to be there. Right. That may not be the best volunteer opportunity for you if you’re a busy mom and you want to give of yourself and volunteer and that does feel good to you. But it seems too structured. So do you have any ideas of where people can find good volunteer opportunities locally for them that maybe aren’t as demanding?

 

Samantha: Yeah, so I would say first start with causes that you’re interested in. Like I think most of us think, oh, I’ll volunteer at this school, but that’s not taking the mom hat off typically. So you really do need to find something where you can fully take off the mom hat and just use your talents and skills. So look at those different organizations that you might be passionate about. Maybe it is like a shelter for women who have left an abusive relationship. Maybe it’s an animal shelter, you know just those are the most popular ones that my clients are interested in. But think about what you’re interested in and then search for those organizations and they typically on their website will have ways to get involved and sometimes they’re ongoing, but maybe it’s like once a month you go and like walk dogs at the shelter or something like that.

 

Sometimes they also have events where you can just come for that day, like once a quarter, once a year, whatever. And you know like pack meals for people at Thanksgiving or something like that. Like there are those opportunities. I know like churches have things like that too, but if you’re not affiliated with a church or some kind of faith community, that’s a really good way to just go straight to the organization, see what they have going on.

 

Sharon: I like that. Yeah. Because I think for a lot of us, yeah, we have a day that we could give and maybe that would be something. And then maybe once you do that you realize how much you enjoyed it or didn’t enjoy it and it’s a good way to kind of get your feet wet and see if it’s the right fit for you even. Yeah, I agree, volunteering at the school, I mean from seeing close family members of mine who are really, really involved in school and from having been involved in the schools myself, I can tell you that it is, if you love it, it’s great, but it is very demanding and it definitely doesn’t help you take that mom hat off, you know?

 

And it’s, you know, I think that there are opportunities just like that where it’s like one day or one event or whatever that you’re helping with, but you have to kind of really want to do it. Otherwise it feels like a chore, you know? And I think that’s also something where you kind of think like, okay, is it important to my kids that I do this? Because if it’s not important to your kids that you’re doing it and it’s not something that’s fulfilling to you, like drop it like a bad habit.

 

Samantha: Yeah. This is why I don’t chaperon field trips. My oldest nine and in third grade is on an overnight field trip right now that’s camping. And I was, I’d like to camp on my own terms, but it is very cold here. It’s actually snowing today and I’m like, wait, where are, you know for me?

 

Sharon: Yeah. So I actually was on a call earlier and somebody was there from Colorado and wrote that it was snowing and I was like, it’s May. It’s, yeah, it’s move girl.

 

Samantha: Here’s like the interesting thing about Colorado, cause I’m not from here, I’m from the east coast where like I would say maybe December, but definitely January through, I don’t know, beginning of March is like snow season and then it’s done here. Like in the winter it could be like 65 and sunny or snowing and then like that’s just what it does from like October to May. It can’t decide if it wants to be great weather or winter.

 

Sharon: Yeah. I Dunno, May snow one day is hard for me. I lived in Syracuse for a really long time and it was definitely like a possibility.

 

Samantha: Yeah. But it was very different here than like upstate New York or else I could not be here.

 

Sharon: Cause upstate New York is like every day from October till nice and feet and feet.

 

Samantha: Yeah. We don’t get that much snow in general like accumulation. But there’s freak days like this where you’re just like, why? Why is this my life? But it’s okay. You know, tomorrow it’d be 65 and sunny. So true. The mother’s Day forecast is like 75, that’s how crazy it is here. 

 

Sharon: But anyway, chaperoning your kids around me.

 

Samantha: Yeah. We don’t have to talk about whether this is why I don’t shop around. I do not want to do it and my kids don’t really care if I do it. They think it’s more fun to ride in their friend’s car or like not have me around for this like independence experience. So I don’t do it. And I think so many parents do because they just feel like they have to do it. And some do it because they love it and we should just leave it to the ones who love it.

 

Sharon: Yes. So I actually do chaperone trips because my kids love when I chaperone and I think it’s okay. But sometimes, you know, my daughter will really want me to chaperone a trip that I know I can’t really chaperone. So I’ll write the teacher a little note. Like when you pick names out of the hat, can you just leave mine out? You know? Or so my daughter like knows that I would love chaperone your trip but I just can’t chaperone this one.

 

Yeah and then if there’s a trip that they say like everybody can chapter on and my daughter really wants me to come, of course I do it. You know, I went to the botanical gardens last week with my daughter and it was really fun. You know? And I think when they’re really young it’s more fun cause it really, they want to be with you. And yeah, it really is. Even though it’s a school trip, it’s a nice quality time and something we can talk about later. Just the two of us, a shared experience.

 

When they’re older, it’s interesting, I’m chaperoning a trip from my 10 year old later this month and I’m curious to see like, I feel like it’s going to be a trip where moms are chatting and then kids are hanging out because all our friends are going to be there and then anybody can chaperones. So I’m sure there’s gonna be tons of moms there and I’m sure the kids at 10 don’t really want to be hanging out with us. So yeah, it’s really interesting for me that that’s even an option, but we’ll see how it goes.

 

Samantha: Yeah, it’s always fun. Yes.

 

Sharon: Take it one day at a time.

 

Samantha: Yeah, I love that point about the shared experiences. That brings me back to like the epic adventures thing and I think ties really nicely to the finding your passion conversation because sometimes we can pull our kids into our passions as they get older, especially it becomes easier to do that. But my husband and I have always been big travelers, so we’ve done a few trips with the kids where they’ve been able to experience that and like sometimes it’s like a really long road trips and that kind of stuff and like camping or you know, going to interesting places and it is just fun to bring them into that.

 

And I just posted on Facebook the other day, like my nine year old was like, I don’t want to go hiking. And then we went hiking and he was like, I love nature, I love hiking.

 

Sharon: They always say you don’t want to do something when they really are going to love it. It’s so funny.

 

Samantha: Yeah. Yeah. You have to just get them over the hump.

 

Sharon: And I guess how old is your youngest? My youngest is four and a half. Okay. So, so already really at an age where she, she she, yeah, he’s a little bit easier to travel, travel with. I feel like, you know, that four and a half, five years old is sort of that turning point there because before that it’s challenging to take a trip that’s not sort of a more relaxed trip. Right? Like to think they just don’t have the same stamina.

 

Samantha: Yeah. Yeah. So true. Our last like really big epic trip, we couldn’t do very much hiking at all. She was younger and just like, it was either like we can walk, you know, basically a few steps or we can carry her. And she was already like kind of big at that point, you know? And so it was like, Ugh, I don’t think I want to walk miles and miles with like a 30 pound child on my back.

 

Sharon: I love to travel too and there’s a lot of places I really want to see and there are some places I want to see with my kids and some places I want to see without them. But you know, I’ll, you have any, like Hawaii for example, is a place I really want to see with my kids, which is interesting. They think most people honeymoon it and we didn’t. But I want to go there but I want to go there when my kids are old enough to remember it and have all of those experiences that I see so many people having. Um, and so I feel like my daughter is still actually, I actually feel like my two youngest daughters are still a little bit young to really fully appreciate what a place like Hawaii has to offer. And so something that is on our bucket list there.

 

Samantha: I think those family trips are so neat though that it’s not necessarily something that is like a strong memory for me as a kid, like we did some travel and stuff, but I remember my mom and her three siblings talking about the family trips that they took and like just the stories and like funny things that happen in the shared memories. I think it just really bonds a family and it’s something really special. Even if like everything goes wrong. They had a like Bahamas trip or something where like everything went wrong and it’s all of their favorite story to tell. Even though like at the moment the parents were probably like, oh my gosh, we spent all this money and everything is going wrong.

 

Sharon: I’m sure. But I actually, my husband, I just talked about it this month that we are going to really prioritize. We travel a lot with the kids and we do a lot of extended family travel and we take a trip every year where there’s like 40 to 60 people on this trip and it’s lots of fun and it’s super exciting. But I don’t feel like it forces our kids to bond because there’s so many other people on the trip. Yeah. And so we talked about how we’re going to also in addition, take a trip, just the six of us somewhere every year.

 

And it’s a big commitment, but I think it’s so important and I think it will force them to kind of like spend quality time together and you know, and they do just like regular all siblings, they have their disagreements, but they do love each other at heart and you know, and I think it will just give them more shared memories to really bond over. And, and give them a different experience that, you know, we haven’t been able to really prioritize that to this point because of, you know, vacation time restraints and things like that. And I think now we’re realizing like it doesn’t have to be this big huge thing. It can, you know, my husband has a conference every year in Philadelphia. Like this year we’re taking the kids, you know, and we’ve taken the kids before, but we’ve often invited another family and I said this year we’re not like, we’re just going the six of us and you know, kids want to go to the Philadelphia Zoo, great, let’s do it. You know? And Yeah. And it’ll be fun I think. And I’m very excited. That’s actually probably the most exciting decision I feel like we’ve made this year.

 

Samantha: Yeah. Yeah. I love that. I feel like we’ve like circled around now to you guys to kit, but I think that’s a good point because taking all of you out of your comfort zone and out of like your day to day routine, yes, can be stressful. Like can be difficult, you know, the vacation versus travel conversation. It’s all true, but I also think it can help you to feel more in tune with you and more alive. That is the only reason we camp. I don’t really love camping. I love what it gives us, which is like no screen time, primitive living, like everything’s very simple. Everybody has to interact and work together and that kind of thing. Cause we just, you know, our cooking our dinner over a fire and sleeping in a tent and all of that in the middle of the wilderness. So I think those little experiences are just really valuable for everybody in the family.

 

Sharon: Yeah, I think it’s totally true and my hats off to you, cause I really don’t like camping. I blamed my husband for that. He, it’s funny story. Actually. We went camping when we were dating and we’re not a bug spray. Oh No. So I came home with 70 mosquito bites and I said like, I love you, but I’m not doing that ever again.

 

Samantha: No, that’s what I love about Colorado camp. No bugs, it’s too cold. It’s just not ever happening again. Um, and you know, I mean I’ll do like little day trips but I’m not sleeping outside.

 

Sharon: Yeah. Anyway, this is really fun. Thank you so much for being here. I feel like we laughed and me enjoy it and I hope that the audience enjoys it too. How can the audience follow along with you and get some little nuggets from you or reach out to you if they would like to?

 

Samantha: Yeah, so my website is just my name, it’s SamanthaSiffring.com and then I also have a website for my podcast and that’s Badassmotherpodcast.com. So either of those two places they actually lead to the same place, but sometimes it’s easier to have a separate link. So either of those two are great. And then I’m pretty active on Facebook, so if anybody out there is on Facebook, I do have a Facebook group. If any of the moms are like maybe my passion might be something I want to monetize. Then I would love to have you in my group. It’s called Online Business Building Mamas.

 

Sharon: I love it. Thank you. So thanks again and we will, I’m excited to hear the feedback from this episode, so if you guys have any comments or questions, feel free to reach out and either email me or Samantha. Happy to help you guys. 

 

Thanks for listening to the Raiseology podcast. Head over to www.Raiseology.com where you’ll find plenty of, you’ve got this resources for parents and any links or tools mentioned in today’s show. Be sure to hit subscribe on your podcatcher so that you can listen to the next episode the minute it’s out, until next time, have an empowered week.

Meet Your Mentor

Sharon is a general pediatrician, loving wife and mother to 4 daughters.

 After a decade of practicing general pediatrics and working with families, she realized there often wasn’t enough time while tending to children’s medical needs to help parents in the way that would be most helpful in shaping their children’s futures.

 The Raiseology Program was developed to teach parents how to raise their children with the love and authority necessary to promote resilience and responsibility.

Sharon’s experience with hundreds of families as well as her own help her meet you where you are on your parenting journey to help you make it what you want it to be.

This site and the information contained therein is for educational purposes only. This site is not a substitute for medical advice, treatment or diagnosis. The use of this site does not create a doctor-patient relationship.

Your privacy is important to us so we want to let you know. This site uses tracking technology, such as cookies and pixels to enhance your user experience and provide social media features. You can find out more here.

Copyright © 2019 Raiseology | Privacy Policy

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This