Episode 4 –
Breaking Self-Defeating Patterns
with Valerie Friedlander

Episode 4

“Judgments and curiosity don’t exist in the same space”

In this episode, Sharon interviews life coach Valerie Friedlander on how parents can break self-defeating patterns and take confident action toward their goals. Valerie shares an acronym you can use to check in with yourself and your kids when you’re in the middle of a meltdown and how you can be more conscious of how you’re showing up in all of your relationships. You can find Valerie at www.TheUnlimitedMom.com and across all social media channels as TheUnlimitedMom!

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Intro: Welcome to the Raiseology podcast with your host, pediatrician and parenting mentor, Sharon Somekh here to empower parents to raise resilient and independent children. Grab your coffee or your Margarita and let’s get started. This podcast is for informational purposes only and should be used to supplement rather than substitute the care provided by your physician.

Sharon: You’re listening to episode 4 of the Raiseology podcast. Stick around to learn the acronym that will help you check in with yourself and your kids when you’re in the middle of a meltdown. Today I have with me Valerie Friedlander. She is a certified life coach with a focus on helping entrepreneurial moms breaks self defeating patterns and take confident action toward their goals. She founded The Unlimited Mom because she believes that connecting moms too, they’re unique and unlimited self will allow them to live a vibrant life they deserve and that by doing so, they will empower their children to do the same. She’s also passionate about creativity, coffee, and unicorns. Thanks so much for being here, Valerie.

Valerie: Thank you for having me.

Sharon: You have anything to add? Maybe a little bit about the personal side of Valerie, something that the audience can use to get to know you a little bit better.

Valerie: Well, sure. I’m what I call multi-passionate, um, as an, I read a book actually that talked about the renaissance soul and I was like, yes, that is totally it. It’s this idea that um, you know, like all of these, these renaissance people like Da Vinci and Benjamin Franklin who wasn’t renaissance, but you know, like these people that we know and think are amazing, did these awesome things and sometimes they started stuff and then they got excited about something else and they created the amazing things in the process. But there was a lot of stuff that was half done during the course of that. And so often we put this focus on, what do you want to be when you grow up and like you’re going to have this one thing. And that’s true for some people, like some people just have a passion for a particular thing. Mozart is an example of one of the people that we tend to think of when we think, what do you want to be when you grow up and it’s like child prodigy, like you know where you’re going and you’re on your way totally focused and that’s what you do, and then there are those of us who are late kind goes through just feeling our way and learning and exploring and getting excited about a variety of things. So when I think about what I do as my main focus, it kind of encompasses all of the other things and it’s part of the reason why I love working with entrepreneurial moms so much is because I think by definition moms are multi-passionate because it’s not like as much as we love our children. There are so many other things about us. We wear so many hats as it were there’s so many things to be passionate about and when we forget to be passionate about those things and we get caught up in the survival mode of doing all the things, we become human doings instead of human beings. We lose that spark that makes us so amazing and so all of the many things that I do have a making costumes and doing cosplay. I’m a total nerd, uh, doing face painting. I have a face painting side hustle now because I did it for a block party and I had so much fun. I was like, why don’t I just do that? Just all of these things that we can get excited about, it’s really about knowing how you want to prioritize and having that clarity of self so that you can be fully you in all the spaces. And so that’s, that’s been my life journey. I feel like people ask me how I became a life coach and it really is just, I, it was the most clearly universe guided accidents that ever happened to me. So yeah, that’s a, that’s a little bit about, about me personally. I also have two boys, I’m a boy mom of a seven year old and a four year old as of right now. And they keep me on my toes and I have a husband and a male cat. So I’m surrounded by testosterone.

Sharon: I wanted to just, I guess clarify something because you said you work with entrepreneurial moms and I know you and I have talked about this in the past, but that doesn’t mean that all of the moms that you work with run their own businesses, right?

Valerie: Yes, correct. I say entrepreneurial and I came into that word because I found that a lot of people that were connecting with me resonated with that word. It’s to me what it means to be entrepreneurial is to be multi-passionate, to love being a mom, but also honor these other areas or be determined to honor these other aspects of one self and oftentimes they get relegated into this categories of hobby or side thing or whatever, but I find that moms who are staying home or at work a nine to five or anything like that when they have a desire for more and that I think stems from that, that passion of creation, that that to me is what it means to be entrepreneurial. So that’s why I don’t say mom entrepreneurs, it’s entrepreneurial moms because they have a spark, a passion for more and to create in the world. So it’s very much about shining your light for your family, but also for, for the world, for bigger, bigger space, making an impact.

Sharon: Yeah. That’s great. So today we are going to talk about something that I think is really interesting and very helpful for moms but also dads to here and that is sort of how we react to things and how the people around us learn to sort of push our buttons in different ways. Um, and I wanted to talk to you a little bit about the background of that and how that ties into the rest of the conversation that we have.

Valerie: Absolutely. And actually you touched on something right there that I realized I defined entrepreneurial, but I didn’t actually mention moms. I also think of motherhood very much is a nurturing space and so that can totally encompassed dads too. I’ve definitely coached ads before as well. I think we often bucket things and that makes our brains function better and quicker and recognize the similarities, which is something else I work in because that can keep us stuck, but I think it’s important to note that the dads are also nurturers and I think that’s a really important role for dads to occupy as well. So, but that said, as far as like pushing buttons or like somebody got your goat or whatever. But it can be really, really painful sometimes when people push buttons. It can really depends on how big that button is. And our kids are masters at it. It’s like they were born to push buttons and I think there’s a reason for that. I think they’re here to teach us as much as we’re here to guide them and they get to. They get to be this wonderful reflections back to us of ourselves and that’s why they’re so good at pushing buttons. One of the things I like to say is that nobody can push a button you don’t have. If you don’t have a button, nobody can push it. So like one person might get really upset by say someone cutting them off and another person might be like, you know, whatever, I’ll get there when I need to get there. Like, that person clearly has a busy life and somebody else will take it and get really upset about it. There are times when we’re more reactive than others. Like there are times when your kid asks you the same question a million times and you are able to calmly answer it a million times. And then there are other times where it’s like, oh my gosh, just be quiet. You lose your noodle, right? So it’s important to know that that button, whatever it is, is yours. And sometimes that’s annoying because it’s like, it would be easier if somebody else were in charge of it, but at the same time I think it’s, it’s really awesome to know that because then you get to do something about it. You have power over it. When you recognize that it’s yours and not about the circumstances or the people that are around you that happened to have pushed it. So that allows you to do something with it instead of be the victim of the situations and the people. When you feel like a victim, you also tend to be more reactive. So it ends up becoming kind of a spiral on itself. So that’s one of the joys and I say you can’t, you can’t grow a little person without growing yourself. And I think that’s true of whether the little person is a person or a business that a lot of times people who are building businesses talk about them like they’re babies. And there’s definitely a similarity there. I’m going through the stages of development and stuff, but it life is designed to grow us, to help us, to challenge us. And I have a colleague who would talk about like the merry go round effect. Like the horse is going to come around again, like until you address that horse and like deal with the horse, it’s going to keep coming around. So it’s important to notice and own those buttons, those things that are bugging you to understand where they’re coming from and to address them because they’re just going to keep happening again. And so you get to decide whether you’re the agent of your life in those situations and thus making conscious loving choices about how you engage or if you’re letting life happen to you and being reactive to it. So that’s one of the key things: first knowing that it’s yours.

Sharon: Right. And then how do you handle it? I mean, do you have some tips that we can share with the audience or you know, sort of, okay, you recognize that you have these, these buttons and you probably even recognize who’s pushing them and when and why, right? Especially if it’s your kids but how do you go from really truly accepting that and recognizing that to doing something about it and what are the, what are the challenges, I guess, to doing something about it?

Valerie: Well, the challenges are there often rooted in some, some stories and some things that we learned growing up. We all look through perception filters that are based in our life experiences. Based in what we learned from our parents growing up that society has shown us that our life experience has taught us from successes and proceeds, failures and situations, and nobody teaches you to be there. They’re like two really important parts of life that nobody actually teaches you to do. And that is be a spouse, be a partner with somebody else and be a parent and you know, and that’s why it’s so important for people like you to be around, to be able to help process these situations with kids because most of us don’t have the time to learn child development. Like we’re busy people doing a lot of things. And so it’s hard sometimes not to make assumptions around what people understand, especially small people whose brains do not work the same way that our brains do, but we often assume that they do. And so we fall back and these patterns. So those are some of the challenges and then like just questioning yourself, judgments and curiosity don’t exist in the same space. So that’s like the number one thing that I always say to turn to is be curious rather like when we, when we label things and set them in a box and we say this is good, this is bad, this is right, this is wrong. And that really comes out with kids and also with our spouses and pretty much everything. But kids especially in like these rules of this is, this is right, this is wrong, this is good, this is bad instead of, well that’s interesting. What led you to do that? What could we do differently next time? What would work better? And actually asking these questions and getting curious. It’s harder with kids because they don’t necessarily know and especially when it comes to emotions and this is something that we’re also not really trained in though. There’s a lot more awareness around it, which is emotional intelligence. There’s a lot that’s kind of a, a buzz phrase right now, but it’s not necessarily something people really understand a lot of the self development work that I did early on before my training or anything like that, would to a lot about acting as if. Like, Oh, you, this emotional reaction, you know, intellectually that it’s based in a story or that it’s just a habit of saying like the way you engage or whatever it is. And so you try to talk yourself out of it and you try and just like, don’t worry, I’m just going to pretend I don’t feel like that and behave differently. And that’s something that is possible to do, but it’s so much harder because the cycle of emotions, emotions, stem from thoughts, our belief about ourselves in relation to the world. If we believed that someone is doing something to us, we are either going to retreat from that or we’re going to defend ourselves from it. That’s a natural impulse. That’s like just a basic instinct, right? Survival mode. So when we think that that creates that emotion of fear or anger and then we behave accordingly and that reaffirmed with the way we behave ends up reaffirming the thought that we had. So if we’re thinking someone’s doing something to us like my husband is intentionally ignoring me, or my kid is intentionally ignoring me and I’m angry about it, I’m and then I’m going to yell and then they’re going to shut down and I’m going to believe again that they’re being intentional or they’re going to giggle because they’re embarrassed or whatever, you know, and it just kind of reaffirms the thought process. So when you can acknowledge the, an own that cycle and own that button, that emotion that you’re having. And then connect, as I say, emotions are really, really valuable information. They’re super valuable information, not about what’s happening around you, but about the way you’re experiencing what’s happening around you. So when you can identify your emotion, we talk to kids about like identifying will identify the feeling name, that feeling adults need to do that too. It makes a huge difference. Name the feeling that you’re having and then go, okay, what am I believing that is creating that feeling and how true is that? Even just asking that question can, can open up a door of like, oh, that’s not true at all. Like, okay, so what? What would I rather believe? What would be more helpful to believe? And then how would I feel if I believed that? And then you can start and recreating that cycle. You don’t have to actually believe it, but just getting curious about it can relieve some of that emotion, but I really am big on like don’t pretend the emotion didn’t happen. The emotion happens. Like it’s important to honor that emotion and find a way to release it and not hold it because then it just stays there. So then acting as if and like trying to push the emotion away, pretend it doesn’t exist can actually be really detrimental. So it’s important to honor that and know that it’s happened. Regardless, it’s true for you, it’s true for the way you’re experiencing it, but rather than making it true for what’s happening around you because that it might not be true for

Sharon: Right. Can you, this might be a little challenging, but can you tell me a story, either a personal story or a story from a client where this type of sort of recognizing a button and figuring out a way through it has really changed a relationship that they had either with themselves or with their children?

Valerie: Yes. I love a challenge and I’m thinking, I’m thinking of several actually. Um, so. Okay. So one, I’ll give you a personal example and then I have. And then I have a client example per like, that has to do with a spouse relationship. So personally speaking of kids, my son would really get upset. There are two things that would, that would cause issues at the end of the day. One, if he didn’t eat and he was hangry because, boy does he get angry!

Sharon: My oldest daughter, I almost want to put granola bars in her nightstand. She’ll come downstairs and if she hasn’t eaten the whole house needs too.

Valerie: Yeah. They don’t have enough life experience necessarily right here. My son will say, no, I’m not hungry. I want to do this thing. I’m really want to do this thing. And then it’s like he was ignoring that he was hungry and then it’s like meltdown central. That’s important for us to know. I love the acronym halt. Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Those things always make us more reactive. So it’s really important to check in if we’re having an emotional reaction. Like, am I hungry? Am I angry? Am I lonely? Am I tired? And I like to add in, am I in pain? Like if you, if you have an injury or a joint that. I mean a lot of us have some, some areas that tend to hurt more as we get older. And um, and then for women in particular, my hormonal, I don’t really want anybody else asking me that. But I think if I, if I can ask myself is, oh my gosh, I have, I’ve started tracking when I’m, when I’m going to have my period, because like the week before that I, for some reason I just would keep forgetting and I would be so down on myself that whole week and just like nothing’s working. It’s all awful. I’m so lonely. I’m woo is me? And then like, oh, okay, well you know, there and then I feel I do feel better. And I’m like, oh, everything’s fine now. I wonder what that one. It’s a thing, it’s a real thing.

Sharon: I like that acronym, I haven’t heard that before.

Valerie: Yeah, it’s one of my favorites to just kind of check in and my husband sometimes forgets and when he gets hungry instead of feeding himself, he, he like, or when he gets angry instead of feeding himself, he’s like, I have to clean the entire kitchen. And I’m like, why don’t you have some food first? Not cleaned the entire kitchen. I’m like, okay, I’ll be in the other room until yet. But that’s also me recognizing that that’s enough. He’s got a button, he’s like hit all the buttons. His, his entire life, like perception is buttons right now because he’s hungry and I don’t want to be part of that because inevitably I will push a button and I don’t need to own that. So that’s, that’s a side experience. With my son, he doesn’t handle change well, like he really is one of these kids who some kids need a lot more awareness about when things are changing even if it’s just leaving the playground. So I like to let him have time to run around after school on the playground and gives me time to chat with some adult people and him time to run around when he’s been sitting in school all day. So one day we had a couple of days where it was just meltdown central. It was time to leave and he like on the ground screaming like we couldn’t leave at all and then he is hungry. Then that it’s like, oh I can’t get you food until we leave. And then it’s like you should have food now. I mean, it was just a big mess. So I picked him up and I asked him, okay, yesterday was awful. Yesterday was really awful. It was very unpleasant, so rough time and I didn’t like it. You didn’t like it. So what could we do differently next time? That would work better because I was pushing all the buttons for him and it was really pushing on me. I like, I ended up getting pretty upset because I’m like, I can’t do anything unless you let me do something, you know, it’s very frustrating. And sometimes in the moment you just have to get through it and just breathe your way. Ya know.

Sharon: And actually, you know, I had a similar experience even just last night and I was talking about it with a friend this morning. My three year old came home and she was, I mean, it was like from the minute she came home she was having a meltdown basically, and it just did not stop. And I knew that she was tired and I knew that I just really needed to get her in bed. And what really helped me was just that I said, you know what, I know what this is about and I understand why she’s behaving this way. I’m not going to give in, but I’m also not going to let myself get frustrated and angry about it. And even though she continued to have her meltdown, I stayed calm the whole, you know, a couple of hours until I could really put her to bed and we put her to bed early so she could catch up on some sleep and she wasn’t happy when I left her in bed, but probably within three minutes she fell asleep because she was exhausted and at the very least, it didn’t set off this spiral of I’m now frustrated and angry. And now not only is she having the reaction, but I’m having the reaction and then she would have definitely fed off of my reaction. And as bad as for meltdown was, it would have definitely gotten worse. So I can appreciate that for sure.

Valerie: Yeah. And when we get into that mode, that survival mode where it’s anger and frustration and those, it constricts the options that we have available. It’s almost like putting blinders on and you can only see what’s right in front of you and you can only see like this kid is melting down and I’m not going to get home to to feed everybody and I can’t get him food and he’s not even a want screwed, but I can’t get him food and like. And then it’s frustration. Why is my husband here to help? And like everybody is doing something wrong because once you have that lens on, it’s really hard to take it off. And so everything gets seen through that lens of frustration. So everyone’s much more likely to be doing something wrong or not the way you want it to be. Right? And so being able to take a step back and just let him process and be where he is and have some flexibility. Like knowing I know what the end goal is, I know what my purpose is and this is a big one that I say to connect with when you’re in a situation, what’s my purpose in this situation? My purpose is to be a supportive, loving presence and to help guide him and where he is right now all I can do is just be a stable person. Because sometimes kids push buttons just to know that things are normal. This is something that’s coming up a lot in the summertime where there all these changes that are happening and kids wanting to know that things are still safe and they’re normal and so they pushed buttons. They push boundaries, test boundaries over and over again to make sure they’re still there and they don’t do it consciously. It’s not like an intentional thing of like, I want to drive mommy and daddy crazy by pushing the boundaries all the time, but if I take it that way, then I’m going to be draining energy left and right. Feeling like I’m fighting constantly. Whereas if I know, I understand this is what’s going on and it’s up to me to create some sort of consistency so that he knows that things are still okay, he’s still okay, this is still, life is normal and the safeties are still in place for him even though it seems like that’s not what he is trying to do. So, but there are times when we can enlist, like when we notice what’s going on and we tap into what the purpose is in the relationship. It’s possible in those later that next day to go, okay, that went really badly. I didn’t have fun. I didn’t enjoy it. You didn’t enjoy it. We had kind of a mess. So for us to be able to play on the playground today, we need to come up with a solution that will work differently. So that doesn’t happen again because I don’t want to do that again. And he’s. He paused for a minute and he thought and he goes, well, what would you like it to look like? Oh, you’re coaching me. But it’s really interesting to see when, when these kids pick up stuff from us, and I mean they do inevitably pick up stuff, so I’m like, Oh, coaching kid. But that allowed us when they’re old enough to have that kind of conversation when you engage them in that way of like setting the boundaries, I don’t want to do that again. We need to come up with a solution and allowing them to help come up with that solution. They have a certain amount of buy in to it too. So being able to own my own stuff and let him be in charge of his but play the role that I, that that’s my purpose in the relationship allows me to show up and engage in a way that we have more options available to us instead of we can’t play on the playground because that was yesterday went so badly. We’re not playing on the playground at all. So you know, there are times when we have to set the firmer limits, but when it allows us to make those as choices, as conscious loving choices instead of as reactive choices.

Sharon: Right. It’s not necessarily a harsh punishment if he was the one who helped come up with the boundary in the first place and I actually recommend that to parents all the time to really sit down and as a family come up with sort of what are the rules that are appropriate this family and yes, you know, the parents ultimately are the ones who should be guiding and making those decisions. But certainly, like you said, the kids have so much more buy in if they were the ones who created the rules. And I see that a lot in my daughters went to sleepaway camp this summer for the first time. And in every bunk there is a list of bunk rules and the kids come up with them themselves together with the counselors and you know, I’m sure that the counselors help them a little bit, but they are very invested in following those rules because they helped create them.

Valerie: Absolutely. And so it does. Being able to take that step back instead of jumping into it and getting caught up in the fight flight kind of engagement. Your kids fighting against you. If you take it personally and make it and and it and agree basically by taking it personally, you agree that it’s a fight. You don’t have to agree that it’s a fight. They can still think it’s a fight. That’s okay, that’s them and what’s going on for them. You can choose whether it’s a fight or not and just make a choice of how you want to engage instead of autopiloting into yes, we’re having a fight and that’s true when it comes to other, other relationships as well, including ones with a spouse. So I have a client who was having some challenges in the relationship, which is really common when you become a parent because again, buttons getting pushed, different styles of parenting do to different ways of being raised and those we tend to autopilot into those ways and when they come into conflict it’s, it’s challenging because so often there’s subconscious ways of engaging and they’re like, this is the right way to do it and this is the wrong way to do it. Right? So I had a client who was experiencing some of that because her husband was not as helpful during sleep, like nighttime wakings and stuff, and she really struggled during that time and he just, he wasn’t as available or helpful and so she journaled about it to help release some of the upset and I think journalists, some of us write, some of us talk, you know, there are different ways of processing emotions and so she journaled about it and then a while later they were still struggling, the communication wasn’t great and they were having a conversation and she was just like, yeah, the nighttime wakings were, were really challenging. And he goes, yeah, that was a rough time. And she’s like, um, you weren’t there, like, and, and so what he said, she interpreted that it was a comparison instead of that was his experience. She, it pushed a button for her because that was a really rough time for her. And so him saying that it felt like a comparison and she got angry about it. She’s like, you weren’t really there and you know, he’s like, yes, I was. And she goes, no, I documented it because she had written about it, but the way she said it really pushed a button for him because he took that as wait, you were documenting how, how good I am as a parent like, and so you see how this turned into an argument that’s turned into a fight and everybody shuts down. Right? So looking at that in hindsight, everybody has their own filters and their ways of experiencing things. He was trying to commiserate with her, he was trying to connect with her by saying, yeah, that was a tough time. So had she interpreted that as a connection, that could have been a conversation where it was like, well, what was your experience of it? Like, this was what my experience was, you know, and like have a conversation around it and hey, you know, I’m, I’m, these are things I’m struggling with. Um, what are you struggling with? How can we work together to support each other better? You know, like, you see how that could turn into a conversation versus the conflict that was created because it pushed a button for her and she didn’t recognize it at that time as a button. It was just like he is comparing and saying that he was doing as much as I was and he was not doing as much as I was. And so it became a fight. So when you can recognize sometimes it’s hard to recognize the buttons in the moment. You just, you have that on my automatic, it’s like snap experience. So one of the strategies that we created for her, because there was so much conflict in the relationship, one of the strategies that we created was before saying anything, to take a moment, if you get triggered, if you find yourself feeling angry after he says something, excuse yourself for a minute. I want to talk about that but I need to go use the bathroom. Or that’s an interesting comment. I want to think about that for a minute and asking for a little space. So often we think we have to respond immediately and we don’t. And that actually had another client who had a similar thing come up, but in a different situation of somebody asked her to do something and she just automatically said yes and she realized later that that was not like she didn’t have time for that. Like that was way over commitment and it really stressed her out, but because it pushed her helper button, you know, like this, like I have to be, I have to help. She automatically said yes. Her exercise also ended up being to pause before saying yes to something to really think about does this fit my values? Where does this fall in what I have the space that I have available in my life priority wise? And to check in with herself before saying yeah. So in both cases in the being helpful and being frustrated, that automatic reaction of saying a particular thing, it was causing a detrimental interaction. So I think it’s really important to know that it’s okay to take a minute to really think about it and check in what’s my purpose in this situation. What are the factors influencing me right now? What, what do I want to say? How do I want to show up to this? Uh, how am I interpreting this situation? What are some other ways I could interpret it? So there’s some questions that you can ask yourself to help you process in an engagement that is less reactive and more conscious so that you can start creating, developing relationships that reflect the way you want to be in them rather than the way your, your reactions, your, your automatic snap assumptions and interpretations of situations lead you into.

Sharon: Yeah. The question is, how difficult is it to really practice that, you know, how do I create that as a habit?

Valerie: It takes practice. I mean, mean you said you said it right there. It’s practice. And it’s also knowing that it’s not going to be perfect. Um, it’s, it’s something that it’s possible. Even if you don’t do it in the moment, it’s possible to check in after the fact. Once you recognize that you didn’t show up the way you wanted to, it didn’t go the way you would have liked. To check in and notice what happened and make a choice because you know, like there are certain things that are going to continue to happen. Like when kids push boundaries, you know, they’re always going to do that. Like I’m cooking dinner, my kids are always going to want to spend time with me, right then, while I’m cooking dinner. Like inevitably they come in with toys and, and things and I’m like, I’m, I’m, I’m making cheese sauce. I cannot step away from the stove. But like that’s when they’re like beating each other up or so. Um, so you know what’s going to happen again, almost inevitably these things do. So that gives you the opportunity to decide ahead of time, all right, this happened, this is what happens, this is what, what I did, what happened with me and then, alright, I know it’s gonna happen again. What do I want to do next time? What could I put in place for myself to support myself better the next time this happens? So it’s always, it’s think it’s really important to know it’s not gonna, we’re never gonna be perfect and there are always going to be times where like even when you work on a particular button and you do all this self work and you grow, something new is going to pop up and it maybe it pushes the same button at a deeper level or maybe like you uncover a new button as you go along. It’s just we were meant to, this is how we learn. So it’s a learning process. So give yourself some grace and allow yourself to learn and just like you would allow your kids to learn.

Sharon: Yeah, I mean I think it’s all great advice. And I loved hearing about the check in acronym. I think it’s really, um, I think it really is helpful and it’s actually also really good thing to think about with your kids too, because those same triggers are triggers for them as well. And even, you know, sometimes it’s something that you could do something about. So if they’re hungry, feed them, right. And sometimes you may not be able to do anything about it in that moment, but at least you can recognize it and sometimes knowing makes it much easier to handle the situation in that moment. But I, I really loved having you here and I really appreciate it and I am going to put some stuff in the show notes, but I’m sure the audience would love to hear what the best way to get in touch with you is.

Valerie: Absolutely. So my website is the unlimitedmom.com and you can find me on all social media as The Unlimited Mom and actually everything that we’ve talked about, I created a five step process to help you do that work that we just talked about. So like that checking in initially. So either in the moment or after the fact. It’s really handy. And so it’s a free download on my website. It’s under free gift and it’s, I call it that the pocket pacifier because of it’s a little principle I added an audio file to listen to. It’s like eight minutes and it walks you through the steps to help you process that button and make a more conscious choice around it. So, uh, at theunlimitedmom.com and you can grab that free from me.

Sharon: Thank you. Oh, that’s awesome. So thanks again for being here and we look forward to continuing the conversation.

Valerie: Awesome. Thanks for having me. Thanks everybody for listening.

Outro: Thanks for listening to the podcast. Head over to www.Raiseology.com, where you’ll find plenty of, you’ve got this resources for parents and any links or tools mentioned in today’s show. Be sure to hit subscribe on your podcatcher so that you can listen to the next episode, the minute it’s out. Until next time, have an empowered week.

Meet Your Mentor

Sharon is a general pediatrician, loving wife and mother to 4 daughters.

 After a decade of practicing general pediatrics and working with families, she realized there often wasn’t enough time while tending to children’s medical needs to help parents in the way that would be most helpful in shaping their children’s futures.

 The Raiseology Program was developed to teach parents how to raise their children with the love and authority necessary to promote resilience and responsibility.

Sharon’s experience with hundreds of families as well as her own help her meet you where you are on your parenting journey to help you make it what you want it to be.

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This site and the information contained therein is for educational purposes only. This site is not a substitute for medical advice, treatment or diagnosis. The use of this site does not create a doctor-patient relationship.

Your privacy is important to us so we want to let you know. This site uses tracking technology, such as cookies and pixels to enhance your user experience and provide social media features. You can find out more here.

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