Episode 34 –
A Pediatrician’s Guide to Calm and Confident Parenting
“The most important skill in determining success is resilience. We want to teach our children how to bounce back and sometimes that means exposing them to the way things are in the real world rather than protecting them from disappointment whenever we can.”
How do you prepare your child to succeed in today’s world? In this episode of the Raiseology podcast, I cover 5 changes you can make as a parent to raise strong, resilient children!
Click here to download the top 5 ways to create a lifelong, healthy relationship with your child and if you have any questions, please reach out! You can schedule a consultation with me here, I can’t wait to talk!
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Click Here to Read the Full Transcript
You’re listening to episode 34 of the Raiseology podcast. Welcome to the Raiseology podcast with your host pediatrician in parenting mentor Sharon Somekh, here to empower parents to raise resilient and independent children. Grab your coffee or your Margarita and let’s get started. This podcast is for informational purposes only and should be used to supplement rather than substitute the care provided by your physician.
If you’d like to discuss your specific situation and how the Raiseology 60 day system can help transform your life, your relationship with your spouse, your relationship with your children, and most importantly, your relationship with yourself. Book a free 15 minute call at Raiseology.as.me/consultation. Today I want to talk about five mindset changes necessary for calm and confident parenting. Let’s start by talking about some of the problems in today’s parenting climate. Today’s parenting climate clearly has many problems. There are so many people, parenting and extremes. There are helicopter parents and free range parents, permissive parents or authoritarian parents. I’m not going to even get into all the different styles of parenting in today’s episode, but the point is we truly need a more balanced parenting approach. Like in every area of life, extremes can be detrimental. We all know that our kids today are living in a world very different from the one we grew up in.
If we want our children to be successful, which I’m guessing we all do, we need to make sure the foundation they’re received today serves some well for their future. I meet so many parents that are afraid that if they don’t behave in a certain way with their kids, their kids won’t love them. This often leads to very permissive parenting. You may find yourself in a situation where your children are dictating what happens at home and it seems easier to continue on that path than to change it and you’re right, but in life, what’s easier is not always best. The best things in life are worth the hard work that it takes to attain them. And in my opinion, nothing is worth more than building a healthy relationship with our kids and a strong foundation in our family. But I see parents worrying about every decision and what long term effects it will have on their kids.
In turn, we’re not doing what we may think is best for fear it may cause harm. So I’m going to give you an example here of sleep, right? Because sleep is something that affects so many families. So many parents are afraid to sleep train because we know that there’s really no method of sleep training that involves no crying whatsoever. And they’re afraid that the crying is causing harm in their kids, but they don’t think about the fact that not sleeping is causing arguably more harm in their kids, right? It’s causing harm in the kids is causing harm in the parents. It’s causing probably some effects in siblings if there are some. So it’s important to really note that sometimes when we avoid things we’re actually causing more harm and it doesn’t help that there are so many conflicting views on every topic and too many sources for advice.
And this leads to so much uncertainty for us as parents as to what the best way to do things is. Besides books, there’s Google and Facebook groups. I mean, one question in a mom group on Facebook may get over a hundred responses and so many different views and you have no way of knowing which is best or what actually works. We live in a society where social media plays a huge role in how we view the world. We must remember that what people post is what they want the world to see and it may not be a reality. We tend to compare ourselves to what we see on social media and this makes us feel worse about our own situation. We need to learn to love ourselves and feel confident in our decision making. We need to learn how to keep our kids safe, to teach them respect and responsibility.
Our kids are heading into this world without the skills necessary to succeed in it. The most important skill in determining success is resilience. We want to teach our children how to bounce back and sometimes that means exposing them to the way things are in the real world rather than protecting them from disappointment whenever we can. So let’s talk about five things that you can change in order to begin this process. First and foremost, you need to learn to give yourself the love you deserve. If you’re not caring for yourself both physically and emotionally, you cannot possibly care for others and give love the way you want to. Once you start showing yourself love, you can make the other changes necessary wholeheartedly. I’ve had so many mothers tell me this is hard for them to do because it feels selfish and being a mother is all about selflessness.
Well, let me tell you my story. I was in a bit of a rut several years ago to the outside world. I had it all, an amazing husband with four wonderful daughters, a career as a pediatrician with patients I loved and who loved me back. A part-time schedule at work that provided me with flexibility and freedom, but I didn’t have what my kids needed me to have. Most something was missing. I realized that certain things in my life were really not serving me well. While I was happy at home, I was truly not satisfied. After some soul-searching and with the support of my still amazing husband and family, I realized it was time to let go of some negative influences in my life and create a more fulfilling path for myself. I started thinking about me first and guess what? Suddenly my kids and my husband were much happier.
I left my career as a pediatrician and started to fulfill my true passion, helping moms just like you find their path to successful parenting. The smile returned to my face and I truly feel I’m making such a difference in family’s lives in such a meaningful way. So many moms tell me that one thing they struggle with is staying calm during frustrating moment. When you can successfully make the first change we just talked about and truly dive into and figure out what needs to change for you to be happy, staying calm becomes a goal that seems much more attainable. Learning the tools to anticipate challenges and keep yourself calm during those moments when it seems you often lose your cool, can make such a difference in the relationship that you have with your kids and also in the way they learn from you to react to challenges that they experience in their lives.
We know from research that if our kids experience us yelling and getting frustrated as a reaction to challenges, they adopt similar behaviors. It’s important for us to truly understand the process that brings us to this point in order to be able to start to change it. The third major change is showing others love the way they feel loved most. Learning about the ways children experience love, how to show love in every way and learning over time, which is the most meaningful to your child. We all love our children, but knowing we loved them and making sure they feel our love are two different things. For when your children feel truly loved, they can accept discipline much more favorably and will behave much differently. Often we show love in a way we know we’d like to feel loved and I would challenge you to show love in other ways that may not be as important to you, but could make a world of difference for the people around you.
Once you’ve begun to make those changes, it’s important to start to understand that you can be a loving and authoritative parent at the same time. Saying no, doesn’t mean that you don’t love your kids. I truly believe that while saying no is so often much more difficult than saying yes, when it’s important to do so the impact is so much greater. We want to raise resilient children and as such, we need to provide them with opportunities to overcome challenges. You need to understand that it’s okay if they aren’t always happy with your decisions. Your decisions are always made with love and with your children’s best interests at heart and even if they don’t fully understand it in the moment, they will one day learn to appreciate that.
Finally, it’s important to understand that changes in your behavior lead to changes in your children’s behavior. Often people ask me if I work with children directly, and the truth is that while I’ve met children on occasion through this work, I almost work exclusively with parents. Over the years, I’ve learned that the way to make the biggest impact on your child’s behavior is to dissect and evaluate your behavior and make some changes that automatically shift your child’s behavior. This is true for most areas in parenting, whether it be sleep, feeding, or behavior related challenges that you’re facing. I want you to rediscover the joy of parenting.
Head over to Raiseology.com/relationship and download my top five ways to create a lifelong healthy relationship with your child. There you’ll find a few things that you can start doing today to make that relationship as strong as it could possibly be.
Thanks for listening to the Raiseology podcast. Head over to www.Raiseology.com where you’ll find plenty of, you’ve got this resources for parents and any links or tools mentioned in today’s show. Be sure to hit subscribe on your podcatcher so that you can listen to the next episode the minute it’s out, and till next time, have an empowered week.
Meet Your Mentor
Sharon is a general pediatrician, loving wife and mother to 4 daughters.
After a decade of practicing general pediatrics and working with families, she realized there often wasn’t enough time while tending to children’s medical needs to help parents in the way that would be most helpful in shaping their children’s futures.
The Raiseology Program was developed to teach parents how to raise their children with the love and authority necessary to promote resilience and responsibility.
Sharon’s experience with hundreds of families as well as her own help her meet you where you are on your parenting journey to help you make it what you want it to be.
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